...THIS IS - 'SEE YOU LATER'

Hey lovely!

This Monday is my birthday, and apparently it was a perfect timing to reflect on the past year. If you don't have time to read - 

TLDR: Rachel is temporarily closing Peach Stitch, she found a full-time job, and is running a 20% 'kinda closeout' sale. 

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Me and my workspace buddy! Workspace?.. More about it below!

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I haven't shared this anywhere yet, and wanted you - a person who was interested in my creations enough to let me send you texts - to be one of the first to know.

I'm putting my knitting career on an 'airplane mode' while I'm exploring myself in the new setting. Here is how it came to this:

We are all aware how the economics affected all small businesses this year. I felt like I couldn't even fully express my frustrations because my followers are literally my customers, and I'd hate to create anything that would feel like a guilty trip. Like "Oy-oy, poor me, I'm so broke cuz you don't like my props anymoreeeee". And I knew that most of my followers were literally in the same situation. And it felt like I'm creating temptations for those who are trying to freeze their spendings. And fail in doing that because of me. 

Within a year I went from selling out in minutes, and having nothing to advertise in between the shop updates, to having a hundred of unsold sets. And here is the thing about having ADHD. We have a tendency to overthink or take loses personally.

Those bonnets had been hanging in front of my eyes for months now, whispering: "No one likes you anymore. You are out of style. You don't know shit about running a successful business. Blah-blah-blah..."

And yes, I know that it's not me, it's the total economics situation in the country. But try telling that to a brain who hasn't felt the breathtaking waves of dopamine in what feels like forever! I used to work my ass off for a couple of weeks, and then do a sale making a few thousands dollars which was giving me an ultimate sense of being rewarded. All those hours were spent creating something gorgeous, and it paid off afterwards! The dopamine high was feeding my inspiration and motivating me to do more, try new colors, match more things.

Lately I'd be spending time knitting (or trying to make myself knit), and then be lucky to sell a few sets here and there. I swear I'm enormously grateful for those customers who were still investing into my creations during these hard times! 

But here is how my stupid brain works. I was pushing myself daily trying to be somehow productive, and create more. However the brain was like "Why the heck would we be trying to create more when it's all pointless? Look at this rack that doesn't even fit all the bonnets anymore! And you want to add more stuff that won't sell either? Hilariously ridiculous! Knitting was the only thing you've been good at, and now you can't even do that. Pathetic!" And all my brain wanted to do is to play stupid phone games to make me feel strong and successful at least in the imaginary worlds, if the real one couldn't give me that.

I felt like whatever I do didn't matter anymore. I used to think that I'd never abandon my knitting journey. That I'll stay strong, and would be one of those few prop shops who lived through the crisis, and survived. I didn't feel strong anymore. My anti-depressants didn't seem to do a good job either. 

I started entertaining a thought of finding another job during the summer. It led me to another type of existential crisis. What I'm even good at?? I've never worked in the "real world". Not in the community, camps, schools. I've never used my BA, and didn't even feel like the university really gave me any practical skills to go into marketing. 

My sister's brother-in-law happened to be a recruiter, and he offered me a marketing related position. I agreed but this gave me so much anxiety that I freaked out and used my kids' vacation as an excuse to recall my resume.

That step made me realized that I'm so tired of trying to sell myself (aka Peach Stitch) - I don't want to work trying to sell someone else. 

Months went by, and my spirits kept going down. At times I couldn't make myself even touch the knitting machine. My whole body was protesting.

And a month ago I got another message from the recruiter. This time it was a different kind of position, had nothing to do with advertising. I had a long talk with my husband, cried all my fears and frustrations out. And Danny told me: "It looks like your business is not helping you at the moment but dragging you down. It doesn't make you feel good anymore. Maybe quitting it would help to remove the constant guilt of not being productive, or not being able to make money. And whenever you'd be ready, you can always go back to it".

So... I did send my resume and went for an interview. My only couple interviews I've had before were 9 years ago when we just came to the US. It was horrible, and that memory stuck with me. OMG I was so scared and freaked out about this upcoming one!!

I'm proud to announce that the interview was successful!

Now I'm a full time Service Coordinator in a homecare agency that is helping elders with dementia, Alzheimer, memory loss and other cognitive declines. 

I didn't expect that but OMG I love this job. It's an office job but we do visit patients once in every quarter. Seeing how the patient's eyes light up when you just asked if you can hug them is so touching. I feel needed, I feel helpful. I feel like I have a purpose again. I'm not as freaked out about calling people anymore. I'm building relationships with the families I get to help. 

I have an amazing boss and a great supervisor who care about the patients, and the employees. And thanks to the boss, we have an emotional support dog Cody, haha!

I get to dress up and leave the house instead of being stuck inside 24/7. And the weirdest part - I deal with a lot of data, and organizing data and creating systems is my passion, haha! I used to sort my yarn by color, now I get to sort the due dates for reports etc :)

The craziest thing - now that I don't feel like I HAVE TO knit to make my ends meet, I realized I can actually make something for myself - intentionally, not because that wrap is crazy colored and would work better as a scarf, lol. 

I decided to learn how to crochet toys! I started a Cheburashka keychain for my daughter. So far my crocheting skills have never exceeded adding pretty edges to bonnets :D This is what I'm going for vs where I'm at:

And I realized that I have $50 in rewards on a yarn website that would expire in December, so I went to the website... And got a $90 kit to make myself a beautiful real gorgeous scarf!! That feels so weird and exciting at the same time. Can't wait until the kit would come - still have 2 weeks to go until they would dye and ship the yarn. I chose a lovely neutral shade... but with a twist!

And I probably will finally be able to finish an embroidery kit I got a couple of months ago when I felt like missing cross-stitching!

And will try something new... Blackwork! I love the way it looks, and trying new techniques is so fun. Have you tried it? Ohhh! What are the crafts you'd like to try but couldn't get to it yet?

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Me going to out-of-house work has changed the family dynamics as well. I used to work at nights, and Danny would be the one getting kids ready to go to school while I'm sleeping. Now I'm leaving the house at the same time as everyone, and we get to experience the morning craziness together. 

My daughter Eidele is used to me working from home - that's all she ever knew. She was super supportive of me going to the interview, was asking about the results daily, has jumping with me when I got accepted. I feel like the way my daughter sees me has also changed a bit. I'm now a parent who can share stories from work, and who is more interesting to talk to, haha!

Overall, I think this change was something I really needed to bring some bright colors into my life. I understand that it might be upsetting seeing another prop shop closing its doors, but I hope you can see how it got to that point, and would support me in my decision! :)

I never run big sales but I really really want to put this chapter on a pause, and clear up some space. I want to continue knitting but it would require letting go and refreshing everything that had been keeping me stuck in my ways for the past year. Plus paying off some credit cards would be nice birthday gift, lol!

I'm running a 20% OFF sale this week on all RTS items. No code needed! Ends next Monday at 00:00 AM. You, as my text subscriber, get dibs :)

Thank you so so so much for all your support! It was beautiful 8 years of flourishing Peach Stitch, and I wouldn't be here without you!

Forever yours,

Rachel